How do I tell my partner?

I’ve tested positive for syphilis.

If you have syphilis, it’s incredibly important that you tell your partner or partners. Just thinking about it probably makes you cringe. Your feelings of discomfort are very understandable; however, if you don’t tell your partners, you might end up dealing with even more serious consequences. Untreated partners could potentially develop life-threatening health problems. They could also infect someone else or even re-infect you. You can get syphilis again and again.

Keep in mind that no one intentionally gives another person syphilis. A person with syphilis often has no obvious symptoms or has symptoms (i.e. mouth ulcer, hair loss, rashes) that they can easily mistake for a more harmless condition. Here are a few tips for you when you need to tell a partner about your syphilis diagnosis.

If you choose to take this responsibility on yourself:

Know how long you could have had syphilis. Discuss this with your doctor. Everyone you have had sex with during this time should be notified, both those from whom you may have gotten syphilis as well as those to whom you may have given it.
Oral sex counts! Syphilis is easily transmitted through oral sex. If you have a partner with whom you’ve only had oral sex, they need to be notified as well as all other sexual partners.
If necessary, look through your email, the phone numbers in your cell phone, screen names from websites you frequent, or your “little black book” to jog your memory about your partners in the past year.
Put yourself in their shoes. Think about how you would like to be told – where, when, how, and what kind of support you would want from the person telling you. Extend those same courtesies to your partner.
Be sure to tell your partner in a private setting. Make sure that others cannot overhear your conversation.
Think about what kind of emotions might come from your partner – anger, fear, embarrassment, hurt feelings, etc. Plan your responses to these reactions ahead of time.

Provide your partner with key facts about syphilis that they will need, such as:

It is easily cured early in the disease.
It’s spread through oral, anal and vaginal sex.
You can have it without having obvious symptoms.
If syphilis goes untreated, it can be fatal or cause irreversible long-term damage to your internal organs and nervous system.
If you have friends who may be at risk because they may have been with the same sexual partners as you, you should refer them for syphilis evaluation as well. Your local county health department provides syphilis testing and treatment free of charge to partners of persons with a positive laboratory test for syphilis.

If you just can’t bring yourself to notify your partners:

Ask for assistance from your medical provider or from Northwest Georgia Public Health’s Communicable Disease staff. Communicable Disease Specialists (CDS) will notify your partners confidentially, in a private setting, extending all possible courtesies to the person being told. By law, CDS staff must keep your name and your identifying information secret when your partners are notified. To request this assistance, contact Northwest Georgia Public Health Communicable Disease staff at 706-295-6656 or call your county health department.

Syphilis is a sexually transmitted disease that can affect anyone who is sexually active. Despite the perceptions of others, having syphilis has nothing to do with your personal hygiene, your lifestyle, or your “moral character” – it’s a communicable disease, plain and simple. Approximately 12 million new cases of STDs occur in the US each year. One out of every four Americans will acquire an STD at some point in their lives.

There is no question that telling a partner you have syphilis is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do. As hard as it may be, letting them know that they need to be evaluated shows that you care about them and that protecting their health is of the utmost importance to you. Good luck!

If you’re at risk, get tested.